I don’t write much about my job. Half the reason is decorous—it would be in bad taste to criticize my coworkers when they aren’t around to defend themselves. (Why I don’t think this rule applies to the friends and family I throw under the bus on a triweekly basis… well, you’ll just have to figure that shit out for yourself.) The other half is accidental. Considering how I revel in the pointing of fingers, for tease-centric purposes, I must be pretty damn content with my career if it doesn’t come up even casually. There’s bullshit, sure, but what is work if not a necessity grown from the mitigation of bullshit?
I’m super deep today.
For those not in the know (i.e. most of you), I’m a property manager. Wikipedia says my duties include “finding/evicting and generally dealing with tenants, home repair, home improvement, cleaning, garden maintenance, landscaping, and snow removal, to be coordinated with the owner’s wishes.” True enough, but, primarily, my job is to translate Plain English for tenants and vendors that only skim my written solutions. (When I finally succumb to dementia, “it’s in the e-mail I sent” will likely be the only six words I can remember.) I also have to correct a great deal of math, as most companies seem to train their employees on an abacus.
But my job’s biggest bugaboo—as well as its greatest perk—is the food. Between snack days and potlucks, luncheons and networking dinners, random shindigs and holiday bashes, annual bake-offs and REITery (our company’s fancy, monthly brunch), I could never spend money on food again and stay pleasantly plump on what they feed us. (The kids would suffer, but I don’t remember anyone accusing me of being a good mom.) Factor in a food blog… I’m eating seven meals a day like a fucking Hobbit. And I hate Hobbits. Does that make me a heightist? Probably. And I’m fine with that, as long as you think I’m thin.
I’m super deep today.
Pear & Bacon French Toast Casserole
- 1 large loaf artisan bread
- 1 large pear
- 1 lb bacon, cut into 2 inch pieces
- 8–10 oz shredded gruyere or gouda (I used a goats milk gouda)
- 2 dozen eggs
- 1 cup maple syrup
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1 tsp salt
- 1/8 tsp pepper
Tear loaf into pieces and place in the bottom of a large roasting pan (this recipe feeds a crowd). Top with peeled and diced pear, cooked bacon and shredded cheese. Whisk eggs with maple syrup, cinnamon, salt and pepper. Pour over other ingredients. Cover and refrigerate overnight. Bake at 350˚ for 50–60 minutes or until the center is set. This can be served with additional maple syrup on top, but it’s not necessary. I made this to go with my savory cheesecake to wow the breakfast crowd at work. I succeeded.
I know, poor little me. What a blessing it is to be employed at all in these trying times, let alone have a gig so cushy it actually fattens its workers with decadence. If it’s any consolation, at least I have an awesome window office, and everybody there loves me.
TWTG says, “It was my pooping phone.”