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Labia Is A Funny Word

See? Titillating sans tits.

I really do mean this as a gentle reminder, even though I sound like an asshole no matter how I reword it: The White Trash Gourmet is rated PG-13 (or 12A for my UK following). This means I only drop one F-Bomb per post, film my nudity from the back and keep most of my killings offscreen. Make no mistake, I’m not trying to run a classy joint here, nor preserve whatever dignity I think I secrete (not with these farts), I just think vulgarity is too easy. When I did my knockers for the troops bit, I made sure to keep it boobalicious without letting it delve into nippletastic.

In other words, I firmly believe in “less is more” and “everything but.” Spielberg’s got my back on this, so don’t fuck with me. When he was offered Jaws so many years ago, he agreed to direct on the condition that the shark not be shown during the first hour of film. By letting our imaginations fill in the blanks, the creature became many more times impressive than whatever grey, rubbery turd his effects team could build. Similarly, whereas porn uses a sledgehammer to entice, burlesque uses a scalpel—as the latter knows an implied labia is much sexier than a labia-labia.

And this type of teasing is exactly what I want from the community my blog generates. I adore my loyal subjects (all three hundred of you), so please don’t make me moderate your comments, or outright block you from enjoying my wares. Whatever you do with my pictures is between you and Jesus—I don’t need it narrated to me. I’m not speaking about any one incident, I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page. Yes, I bring this crap on myself. I mean, look at that chick up there. She must be asking for it, huh? No, stupid men. Sit politely at the dinner table, keep your hands where I can see them and stop playing footsie with your penis.

Even Quinoa’s Better Dressed

  • 1/2 cup quinoa
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 small onion, minced
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp olive oil
  • 1/4 cup kalamata olives
  • 1/4 cup oil packed sundried tomatoes
  • handful fresh basil
  • 1/2 cup crumbled feta
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup almond meal
  • pepper, to taste

Preheat oven to 350˚. Rinse quinoa and add to a sauce pan with water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until water is absorbed. Set aside to cool. Saute onion and garlic in olive oil until opaque. Add olives, tomatoes and basil to a food processor and chop until a paste is formed. In a large bowl, mix all ingredients. Press into glass baking dish and bake for 20 minutes or until the top is browned. This is a great side dish for just about anything done on the grill, plus it’s gluten free and vegetarian.  

Labia. Heh.

TWTG says, “Why is that sun so fucking bright!?”


9 responses »

  1. TWTG,
    I took a similar picture, although somehow, I’m sure yours will be loved by more…
    Le Clown

  2. sledgehammer porn works for me, but so does your approach too.

  3. the best image on a blog I have seen in…a long…time

  4. Cute again!


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