As a gal who’s made it to first base with every branch of the military, I’d have to say the best kisser is… all of you. That’s more of a backhanded compliment than it sounds, due to the lack of variety. The moves you guys put on are so similar, one has to wonder if they’re just another thing the brass drills into you at boot camp. Has this method of lip-locking been determined to yield the most strategically advantageous results? Does it provide the highest probability of a second date, or, perhaps, mitigate the risk of VD via a specific angle of entry?
I’m just asking.
I adore our few, our proud and every uniform in between, and I hope the pictures you see today prove it. I spent more time Frankensteining together that bustier than any recipe I’ve divined as a culinary prodigy, or any funny bone I’ve tickled as a Bachelor of Arts-wielding wordsmith. I wanted to give our boys something special on Independence Day, and they told me exactly what they wanted: knockers for the troops. As an antidote to the huh? face you’re making right now, I’ve touched on the bizarro shit people are looking for when they stumble upon my blog (“goofy please don’t holocaust” is my current favorite), and “knockers for the troops” has been one of the most searched terms in the last month. Why ignore the fans? Like I teach my kids, you should always give into peer pressure, and here’s a slideshow of momma doing just that:
Thank you for your service, gentleman. For the rest of you, I impart this palate-melting burger to make you salivate just as deeply:
- 1 3/4 lb ground beef
- 1 lb bacon
- 1/2 cup canned jalapenos
- 2 tbsp minced dried onions
- 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
- 1 tbsp Cholula or other hot sauce
- 1 tsp crushed red pepper
- salt and pepper
- jalapeno cheddar or pepper jack cheese
- slider buns
- sliced tomato
- ketchup (I prefer Sir Kensington’s)
Place ground beef in a large bowl. Add bacon and jalapenos to food processor, and pulse until finely minced. Mix bacon, jalapenos, onions, Worcestershire, Cholula, red pepper, salt and pepper with ground beef. Allow to marinate for 20–30 minutes. Form into 1/2 inch patties and grill until desired doneness. Top with slices of cheese and build sliders with tomato, avocado and ketchup.
I’ve spoken about the men in my family—and their contributions to this great nation—so the love I have for our military operates on a genetic level. If the same isn’t true for you, however, it’s still good taste to go the extra mile when you can. Never mind what you think about our government, or the baby talk that passes for our national voice, if you see someone that’s served, give them a kiss from yours truly. Even if that kiss ends up being standard issue.
TWTG says, “We have to wash the China off of it.”