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Smokeless Hot Mess

Then set me ablaze already!

This is a jumble of ideas, so bear with me. Earlier this year, I made some impassioned post saying I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable. That was cute when I was ten pounds overweight. Now that I’m leaving potholes almost twenty more pounds later? Yeah, no. I’ve been hitting the gym, but it hasn’t been hitting back. I’ve been eating in moderation, but the only thing that’s diminished is my clothing’s need to fit. I’m fat(ter), crankier and more scatterbrained. Each day has seemed worse than the last, with no reasonable explanation as to why… then Russell called me at work:

“You quit smoking, you asshole.”

And with that, a perfectly straight line was drawn through all my meandering bullshit. He was right (again). My e-cigarettes calm cravings and simulate the ritual of smoking, but they lack the stimulative goodness that validates the nonfictional version of the habit in the first place. They relieve neither frustration nor anxiety; they just give you something to do with your hands that doesn’t incrementally kill you. Nonsmokers like to believe the most smoking does is soothe an urge the rest of us wouldn’t have had we never lit up in the first place. You folks are adorable. I can name three wee ones whose capas weren’t detated because momma could always rely on fifteen minutes of garage solace. I also used to be able to metabolize stuff. Now my body looks at the food in it and says, “okay, you can stay.”

I suppose the silver lining is that my body will normalize over the next few months, and I should feel some form of physiologic levity soon. For all my bitching, I certainly won’t be lighting up again. I just have to play the waiting game, and pray that if I ever do smoke again, the next cigarettes won’t be the ones I’ve traded favors for in prison after murdering the next fool looking at me cockeyed.

Creamy Chili Chicken Casserole

Comfort food for a widening ass.

Feeds 1 hungry-ass family that devoured it in under 5 minutes

  • 4 cups shredded cooked chicken
  • 4 tbsp butter
  • 1 large onion, chopped
  • 1 tsp minced garlic
  • 4 tbsp flour
  • 1 cup chicken stock
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 cup salsa verde
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • 15 corn tortillas, cut into quarters
  • 2 cups shredded cheese

Preheat oven to 350˚. Melt butter in large skillet. Add onion and garlic. Saute until onions are opaque. Add flour and stir for 2–3 minutes. Slowly whisk in chicken stock and then milk, cooking until thickened. Remove from heat and stir in salsa and sour cream. Butter bottom of  a 9×13 pan. Layer ingredients in the following order: tortillas, half of the chicken, a third of the sauce and a third of the cheese. Repeat this layer. Top with tortillas, sauce and cheese. Bake for 20 minutes. Allow casserole to rest for 5–10 minutes before serving. Top with avocado and sour cream, if desired.

Unless I can roll it up and smoke the shit out of it… yeah, I’m not writing a epilogue tonight.

TWTG says, “My underwear were in a peculiar way.”


11 responses »

  1. will someone point out that the sign has a word spelled incorrectly?

  2. Well spoken! I too have the same taxing realizations that this dough- is not going away without more effort. I spent years watching the plethora of machines and gadgets come and go. I always thought “if I ever bought one of those, I would use it every day.”
    Well! I bought one, and the son of bitch holds coats and shirts that need to go to the cleaners. For the amount I spent I could have hand made hanging racks or shelving for all the families on my street.
    Anyway, your writting made me laugh with the unfortunate truth that my metabolism is slowing, food is fatter, portions are larger, and most people are dumber, (I just threw in the last one).

  3. Congrats on quitting!! It takes a strong woman to do it 😉
    Dinner looks fabulous as always!

    • Thanks! It wasn’t easy and I still miss it sometimes but I know I did the right thing. It certainly does make being active feel better. And I don’t stink! I believe that is the best part.

  4. WTG, I gave the evil weed up 25 years ago. I was a 60 a day man. The trick is to make the decision and then stick by it NO MATTER WHAT. Two days after quitting, I sat on my bed and cried for a smoke. Haven’t had one. Won’t have one. The decision is made. You strike me as a decision is made kind of lady. Do it! Stick by it. You have done the hard bit.

    • I love the encouraging words. I’ve decided that this is it! I’ve practiced quitting before but I’ve not gone longer than 3 months since my last child stopped nursing (and that was over 8 years ago). It helps that the habit is now so expensive.

  5. I hope you keep your commitment to quit. You’re right, your body will stabilize and those cravings will go away with time. Also, it takes a little while for your metabolism to kick in and let go of fat…keep exercising and moderating what you eat. It will pay off.

    Now that having been said, you’re gorgeous just as you are.

    • I sure hope my metabolism finds me again 🙂 Thank you though. It wouldn’t be so bad if my clothes fit! I want to cry when I try something on and it’s too tight, when a year ago I was at my post leaving my ex slimmest!


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