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That’s Racist, Dawg

Hopey. Changey.

Being an adamant proponent of child labor (shoes don’t make themselves), I’ve enlisted my little ones to pimp my blog out to their friends. In hindsight, maybe that wasn’t the best idea. After all, some of what I discuss here would’ve made Richard Pryor blush, and a lot of it has put Russell so deep into his coffin he’s finding fossils. But. Whatever. Nobody’s perfect—even Stephen Hawking gets lap dances.

Where was I?

Oh, right. Kids suck. Recently, my younger son gave one of his friends the address here without really explaining what I do. Their response? “That’s racist.” Now, this is a 12-year-old talking, so by definition their brain is equal parts grey matter and fecal. But, it did get me thinking: Will there actually be people that mentally insert “Supremacist” between “White” and “Trash?” Everyone has their cause and can always summon a fight from nothing if they put on their thinking cap.

Certainly, I have all the makings/trappings of an elitist prick. My family came over on the Mayflower (I think we were barnacles on the side, but still). I’m a Daughter of the American Revolution, a Baptist and a Libertarian—which, like the work of Ayn Rand, is something freethinking wannabes with no discernible stance on anything associate themselves with. It wouldn’t be a stretch for people to make narrow-minded assumptions and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t worry me.

So, let’s nip this in the bud (unless that expression is an affront to the Japanese): I am not racist. Period. I love, and have loved, every color in the Crayola box. Roy G. Biv has definitely found his way into my little black book, and I abhor making anyone feel less deserving of happiness for things they have no control over. Conversely, I love throwing rocks a vegans. Maybe it should be eggs. Add insult to injury. Salt and pepper to taste. Fold until fetal. Wait, wrong recipe.

Red, White & True Blue Cupcakes

One for me. One for America.

Cupcakes:
  • 2 cups white sugar
  • 1 cup butter softened
  • 4 eggs
  • 4 tsp vanilla
  • 3 cups flour
  • 2 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 cup milk
Filling:
  • 2 cups strawberries
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1 cup whipping cream
Frosting:
  • 2 cups whipping cream
  • 1/2 cup instant vanilla pudding
  • Blue food coloring

Preheat oven to 350˚. Line a muffin pan with paper liners. Cream together sugar and butter in bowl. Beat in the eggs one at a time. Stir in the vanilla. Combine flour and baking power. Add to the creamed mixture and mix well. Stir in the milk until batter is smooth. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake for 20–25 minutes. Cupcakes are done when they spring back to the touch.

Puree strawberries and sugar in blender or food processor. Whip cream until thickened then fold in strawberry puree. Use piping bag fitted with a long, thin tip to fill cupcakes. I stop when the filling starts pushing it’s way out of the top. Prepare frosting by whipping cream until almost thickened. Add pudding mix and food coloring. Whip until thickened. Frost cupcakes. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

Filled with love.

In the interest of fairness, it should be said that I love racial humor. This doesn’t make me a bad person, nor have I contradicted anything written above. We’re allowed to be two things, but as the talking heads in this country insist (lest a single vote be lost) on being politically correct, they’re artificially steering us into being politically overcorrect. Or something like that. What do I know? I’m a shiftless Libertarian. My point is that, while tolerance is the endgame, no one is above getting thrown under the bus from time to time. Even if the rear of that bus is heavier from all the black people. Okay, maybe I am a bad person. At least I’m saved, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to H-E Double Hockey Sticks.

Pretty sure…

P.S. I only included the bus joke on the approval of my BBF (Bestest Black Friend), Noela. Of all the people I shared it with, she laughed harder than my white friends that merely winced. Politically overcorrect indeed.

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4 responses »

  1. Intelligent Investor

    Brown sugar never tastes so good!

    Reply
  2. I don’t post on the nilla side of the fence much but your idea of throwing eggs at vegans appeals to me greatly.

    I saw a T-shirt once that read

    P-erfectly
    E-tible
    T-asty
    A-nimals

    Cruel

    Reply
  3. i loved this. i HATE racism, but love a good joke. there IS a happy medium.

    Reply

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