Last weekend, my tiny slice of cyberspace gained over a hundred followers. If you are among them, give yourself a pat on the region north of your waist-equator. You are officially one of the hundred smartest people in the history of ever. Clearly, you know a good chest when you see one and you should totally bet the farm on that high risk loan. My favorite part is that, while some of you are family, and others are friends, the majority are complete strangers.
How do the unknown find me? Simple: By searching the most gonzo/bizarro shit imaginable. I guess that’s supposed to say something about me and my potty mouth. After all, if I ran a cleaner ship (as the old saying from the sea goes), I would dangle nothing to attract these creatures of the night (as that even older saying from the sea goes). But… yeah, I’m gonna choose to ignore all that and point fingers at my favorite example:
Two people—that is two (2) people—have washed up on my beach by diving for “tetillas erizadas” off the shores of Google. The literal translation? Bristly nipples. Hey, I’m not one to judge. If it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else, it’s a good thing, right? It also means I’m international! (Obviously, everyone in America speaks English. Everyone. Obviously.) But, uh, in all seriousness, my bilingual degenerates, that thing on your face is never going to heal if you keep picking at it.
Let’s just drink until I find all you weirdos charming:
Surprise Concoction Cocktail
Serves one wannabe famous blogger
- 3 parts cranberry juice
- 2 parts vodka
- 1 part Disaronno
- Juice of 1/8 lemon
Shake all ingredients over ice in cocktail shaker. I’ve had this bottle of Disaronno that a friend brought over and I only ever use it in desperation. The other night I was short on vodka and this sweet little ditty was invented. Enjoy!
All jokey-jokes aside, I’m positively giddy that my blog is generating momentum. Stick with me, kiddos, even if the state says you can’t live near schools. Granted, I won’t save your tarnished soul, and I might steal your shoes if they’re especially cute, but at least I’ll keep you fat and I’m fun to look at.