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To the Private Secretary of Sir Kensington,

Click the bottle. Now.

I hope this letter finds you in good heath, Sir, as I wish to express my sincerest adoration towards that most scoopable of gourmet ketchups: yours. Hats off to you! Hats off, indeed! In this year of our Lord twenty hundred and twelve, mankind’s greatest endeavor—to create a food sauce that is as suitable for the Freemasons as it is for NASCAR-centric assholes—has finally come to fruition. A condiment, so hoity in its toititude, that it may be applied sparingly to furters of a frank nature with nary a peep of censure from aficionados who would otherwise decry “ketchup on hot dogs is for babies, stupid.” Your appearance may be Monopolistic (of the Parker Brothers variety), but your cornered market is delicious flavour. Rest assured, should the shadows of doubt ever darken the endgame of your genius, I present unto you the attached recipe as inarguable proof of your wide-reaching yaw. Thank you, kind Sir, for your fairly-priced bounty of tomatoey, vinegary goodness.

Keep on keepin’ on,
HRH The White Trash Gourmet

This is why, vegans. THIS IS WHY!

Your Sliders, Sir

  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1 tbsp soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 tbsp dried minced onion
  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 1 sweet onion, sliced
  • 8 sliced bacon, cooked
  • 8 slices sharp white cheddar cheese
  • Arugula
  • Avocado
  • Sir Kensington’s Gourmet Scooping Ketchup
  • 8 slider buns (I used mini Kaiser rolls)

Melt butter in large glass bowl in microwave. Add soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, minced onions, salt, pepper and ground beef. Mix together using your hands (you can always wash them after). Shape beef mixture into eight patties. I got the right size by rolling a largish meatball and smashing it flat. Set patties aside and caramelize the onion. I use a cast iron skillet on med-high heat. Place the onion slices in a bit of cooking oil and let them brown. Stir them around every now and again until you get a nice caramel color.

Can you believe I went into real estate?

Heat skillet to med-high heat and fry burgers. I used my brand spanking new crepe pan and it worked beautifully (the little booklet said it was great for cooking meat). Flip burgers and top with cheese. As soon as I turn off the flame I place a pot lid over the patties so the cheese will melt. It also gives them a little steam, making everything that much more juicy.

Put burgers together as follows: slice buns, spread with avocado (instead of mayo or mustard), place patty on bottom bun, top with one slice of bacon broken in half, caramelized onions and a heaping, properly-scooped spoonful of Sir Kensington’s. Add a bit of arugula and top with the other bun. I served these delicious little buggers with sweet potato chips. A perfect pairing.

Since this post started as a splendidly-written letter, let me finish it with a little postscript: Kensington & Sons, LLC has no idea I exist. I haven’t received a cent (shilling, ruble, peso, etc.) for all my praise of their splendiferous condiment. I only say that for clarity’s sake, because I am certainly not above selling out. In other words… hey companies, pay me money for pimping out your products! I’ve got three kids to feed and they can’t survive on ketchup alone. Wink.


15 responses »

  1. OMG, love catsup. I always make my own because I like it extra tangy, no sugar added. I just use tomato paste, vinegar, mustard powder and garlic.

    Will look for this though. Your sliders look amazing.

    • Ms. T – My mom makes her own ketchup these days. Got sick of buying expensive stuff to avoid corn syrup. It is pretty simple. The best part is she keeps it in a store bottle so the grandkids are none the wiser 😉

  2. They look great. Such great comfort food.

  3. Get me un piatto italiano baby

  4. “This is why, vegans. This is why.”

    Absolutely classic. I’m stealing that line.

  5. Hee, hee. That vegan line made me laugh. And the burgers are making me drool!

    • My kids are mad at me for making them while they were gone. I’m guessing I’ll be doing sliders again this week.

      Also, if God had meant for us to be vegans he wouldn’t have given us these wonderful incisors, the ability to digest meat or bees. Honey man! How can one not have honey? Or cheese? Or BACON!!!! Makes my head spin (it’s not the vodka, I swear!)

  6. Thx for the tip! Sir Kensington made it into my sweetie’s Valentine basket. It’s red right?! 🙂

  7. Pingback: All Souled Out «

  8. Pingback: Guilty By Reproduction « The White Trash Gourmet

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