Okay. So. Last Wednesday’s post (Four Decades Later) had a disproportionately high number of views. Granted, I’ve been trying to self-promote and social network up the yin-yang, but something was definitely off. The story of my 40th birthday was cute, but not as punchy as I usually try to write. The chili, while spectacular, didn’t really stand out in any significant way. Russell said (jokingly) that it was probably my boobs. The picture of me that headlined the post definitely didn’t mince words about what my chest was trying to say. It was taken just before we went to Nine-Ten and, yes, I might’ve been trying to look like classy-trouble, but I didn’t actually believe it was the freaking reason for my blog’s unusually heavy traffic.
Then a phone call confirmed what Russell already knew: men are dogs. An old friend of mine, who I’ve mostly spoken to on a professional level for the last five years, went out of his merry way to call me and wonder, “Hey, I was checking out your blog and I have a question I have to ask you. Did you get implants? Because your tits are like spilling out of that dress.” I am only slightly paraphrasing. This means that, for all my trashy goodness and foodie wonderment, for all my culinary ingenuity and sparkling personality, my milkshake is what brings all the boys to the yard. I guess I gave the internet too much credit, because it seems I’ve taken the long way to figure out its most basic tenets. Tits = hits. It’s mathematics, bro. And before anybody else asks… no, these aren’t implants. Al naturale, baby!
Now, having said that, I am not easy. Even though these puppies might suggest otherwise, I’m really not. But these crepes are. So easy, in fact, that anyone can have them and they’ll never say no. Dirty girls!
Serves 4 internet creepers
- 1 cup flour
- 2 eggs
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1/2 cup water
- 2 tbsp butter, melted
- 1/4 tsp salt
Whisk flour and eggs in a large bowl (I know this sounds odd but it works). Slowly whisk in milk and water until smooth. Add melted butter and salt. Whisk until incorporated. Heat oiled crepe pan (my mom got me this sweet pan for my birthday and it works magic) over medium heat. Add 1/4 cup batter to center of pan and move pan in a circular motion to thin out crepe. Cook until edges look done and flip with a heat resistant spatula. Cook for about 30 seconds to 1 minute. Remove to plate. I cook several at a time and just pile them up on top of each other. Amazingly, they don’t stick together.
Here’s what I stuffed them with:
- 1/4 cup sundried tomatoes, packed in oil
- 1 clove garlic, minced
- 4 eggs
- 2 tbsp milk
- 4 sliced cooked bacon, crumbled
- 1 tbsp minced chives
- 2 tbsp goat cheese
Saute garlic with sundried tomatoes (the oil they come packed in works great as cooking oil). Whisk eggs and milk together. Scramble eggs with sundried tomatoes and garlic, adding in crumbled bacon and chives as the eggs cook. After eggs are cooked, dot with goat cheese. Stuff crepes with egg mixture and serve. I added Sir Kensington’s Gourmet Scooping Ketchup as a garnish.
They say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Big boobs don’t hurt either (although my chiropractor would disagree), but they aren’t going to be a regular feature here. I won’t do anything for fame. I’ll always try to keep The White Trash Gourmet suitable for children under 17 without parent. It’s just nice to know if my ratings do slip I have a secret weapon. Weapons. Heh.