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Taking You All With Me

A Happy Birthday every night.

Given that the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, and the Earth with it, it really shouldn’t matter whether or not I count calories. However, if I’m going to be an opinionated bitch ’til the day I die, I might as well be a skinny one, too. Dramatic music. Today, The White Trash Gourmet starts her diet. Which one? A lady (ha!) never fasts and tells. The bigger question is how will it affect my ability to deliver sugary, peanut buttery, bacon-infused goodness? Simple: it won’t. My home has no short supply of guinea pigs for my fiendish ways, so I can always create these culinary delights and just shed a tear (hopefully ten pound tears).

Maybe I’ll include healthier alternatives. Maybe I’ll focus on salads. Maybe I’ll run a 13.1 (worst bumper stickers ever, by the way). For now, I’m mostly just pissed about having to sacrifice bigger stuff so I can fit into smaller stuff. I’m also turning the big 4-0 in 9 days… expletive, expletive, expletive! Someone may die that day. When I murder them. In the face. With fire.

Le sigh. At least vulgarity doesn’t make me fat. Who needs a drink? Or two?

Lemon Cake Martini

Serves one sad sack

2 ounces Three Olives Cake vodka

3/4 ounce limoncello

3 ounces half & half

Shake well over ice. Serve with a garnish of whipped cream and sprinkles. Oh, so good. Tastes like a vodka-soaked lemon pound cake. I saw the cake vodka behind the counter at a liquor store and was immediately like, “OMG I need that! Right now!” And at a price point of $12.99 a bottle its not a bad deal.

Here’s another that we tried out New Year’s Eve:

Sunday Morning Breakfast Martini (photo not included… sue me)

2 ounces bacon vodka (see Desert Island Diva)

1 ounce Frangelico

1/2 ounce banana liquor

3 ounces half & half

Shake well over ice. Serve with a sprinkle of Bacon Salt. Tastes like banana nut pancakes with a side of bacon.

Both of these drinks are guaranteed to sweeten up any evening (morning, afternoon, second breakfast, etc.), can potentially cure cancer and come with a special prize inside every box. A very happy New Year to all from The White Trash Gourmet! Muah!

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7 responses »

  1. Intelligent Investor

    I hope the under age guinea pigs don’t get ahold of that birthday punch. That could make for some drama-induced entertainment… Ready or not, 40 u come.

    Reply
  2. Haha. We try to avoid visits from “the law” so no booze for kiddies (but I tell you they’d drink this sweet “girl” drink up in a minute).

    Reply
  3. im with you on those gay stickers…id rather have fun thAn run…where’s that fn sticker????? That drink loooks amazing…im a sucker for birthday cake anything, thanks for the invite! Sheesh. Hope you had an awesome New Year’s….Can’t wait for our amazing feast at Avaocado Grill for our celebration (emphesis on AVOCADO, its good for you, right??) 😉 Love You!

    Reply
  4. Awesome. I love anything with limoncello and bacon vodka? I’m in!

    Reply
  5. Okay, you win! Now I know I love you and all your devilish cocktails!
    However, my liver may hate you but I’ll let it fight that battle on its own. 🙂
    Cheers,
    Laura

    Reply

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